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  • Writer's pictureDayna Sharp, LCSW

Parenting: Fostering Security

Updated: Apr 29, 2019

"There's no such thing as perfect parenting...But if we meet our children's needs enough of the time, the results will be happier, healthier, more secure children--and parents too"

There is so much information about what to do and what not to do as a parent. Sometimes it can feel overwhelming! I find the Circle of Security model illustrated in the video above to be very simple, easy to understand, easy to practice, and most importantly, central to the foundation of what we all need to build healthy relationships with ourselves and others. The Circle of Security model is great because it is relevant to infants and young children as well as older kids. Keep in mind that the model described sounds so easy, but in real life, in actual moments day in day out, this is the hardest relational work there is!

The Task:

Reading--attuning to--your child's behavior to determine their needs. (This can be difficult to do, and parenting consultation can help.)

The Security Needs of all Children:

1 The need for freedom to explore. Your child needs to be able to explore, to take healthy risks and to develop a sense of mastery and sense of who they are in the world!

2. The need to receive comfort and protection when needed. Kids need to feel safe, part of which is being able to trust that caregivers can help to organize their sometimes big emotions!

3. The need for the child's caregiver to be able to be in charge in a kind, and firm way. Kids need to know that they can trust and depend on their caregivers and thrive when caretakers create a consistent structure and routine for them. Kids also need to know that their grown ups can manage their own feelings, so that they feel safe and so they learn how to regulate their own emotions.

Creating Space Counseling and Wellness can help you to better "attune" to your child's behaviors, in order to better understand their needs. Counseling and therapy can also help caregivers to manage their own anxieties and fears so that they can more freely allow their kids to explore, protect and comfort when needed, and to maintain a stance of kindness even when things get hard. Remember, parenting is hard, there are no "perfect parents" and it does take a village. Let me be part of yours!


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